Marc Estrin

NOTES FOR THE DOWNWARDLY MOBILE, Part II

April 20, 2005

Other Food Possibilities

It is an open secret among the poor that pet foods are perfectly fit for human consumption. Don’t be embarrassed to survey the huge selection in your supermarket—no one will suspect you are shopping for yourself and not for Fido or Kitty. There are so many choices that it may take a while to discover your favorite brands and flavors. No need to restrict yourselves to “gourmet” varieties. The “gourmet” label is simply a marketing device targeted at upscale pet owners. The contents are virtually the same as that of cheaper brands. Dry dog or cat food travels well, and can be wetted down at public drinking fountains. It is also ecological, since there is no can to dispose of. For the more affluent, canned cat food is probably your best bet. 9-Lives remains the trend setter, though it is virtually indistinguishable from other canned varieties. For an occasional treat, this writer recommends Sheba Moist Tender Chunks: Salmon Entree.

There do seem to be gender difference in the choice of food types, with men preferring dog food, and women, food for cats. For you he-men out there, we can recommend Mighty Dog—Beef.

A Modest Proposal

The Bush presidency boasts a radical neo-conservatism combined with a fearless approach to the future, a commitment to institutions of the past, and strong motivation to deal with the problems which lie ahead. In the interests of political clarity, I would urge the president, and his advisors, Messrs. Cheney, Rice, Rumsfeld, Gonzalez, Goss, Mueller, Negroponte, Scalia, and Thomas, along with Madames Rice and Spelling to have the courage of their convictions, and take things all the way.

With control of all three branches of government, there should be only minor difficulty in bringing back an idea whose time has surely come again. Slavery has gotten a bad name with the liberal press, yet an unprejudiced mind can easily see its many benefits. Who can deny that living in the homes of wealthy families—even without pay—is preferable to a life of hardship, disease and crime on cruel streets? Family values would be maintained and promoted as mammys took care of the children, aiding harried executive moms. Cultural diversity would prevail as songs of the old South were heard again, and mixed races and cultures would be seen once again in the more exclusive neighborhoods. This is compassionate conservatism at its best.

However divided liberal opinion here may be, given the advancing pauperization of the middle class, it is not hard to imagine a time in the near future when it, too, could benefit by such a system as greatly as people of color. Congressional debates will be heated, of course, but with a post-nuclear option Senate, there should be no problem with having the majority prevail. Another hard-won triumph for democracy